Ugh- I'm so sorry so many people offered you so much unsolicited advice. I just helped support a very close friend through a cancer surgery, and I realized the day he called me to give me the news that the best thing I could do was keep my trap shut and let him tell me what HE needs, rather than getting all intrusive because of my own anxiety about his uncertain future. It's so wonderful to finally see this writing get some air time! I know you've been holding it close against your breast (pun intended) for a long time until you're ready to go Breastless. Congratulations!
haha I love the pun - one of my posts here is going to have the title: Let Me Get This Off My Chest!
And I have a question; did you friend feel that he knew what he needed?
I ask because I had a doctor tell me; "Patients don't know what they need, there's no point asking them." She was retired and therefore trained and worked "in former times", but it shocked me all the same. And THIS is part of the problem I believe - we have all bought into the idea that we don't know what we need (and created a medical system based on assuming that authority for us) and we therefore have become cut off from sensing what we need. This was the big revelation to me in this part of the story - I could actually feel what this advice was doing to me and I had to boundary-up to start listening to my own 'knowing'.
Yes, he did mostly know what he needed. I had to read between the lines a few times to discern what his wife would need- so I offered some interventions I suspected they needed but weren't asking for. Like I did all the driving so his wife could just be as spaced out and freaked out as she needed to while we were waiting to make sure he survived his very dicey surgery (he almost didn't and had to get lots of blood transfusions.) And he's a chef who never lets me in the kitchen. So I cooked days worth of food and brought fresh food into the refrigerator every 3 days because his wife doesn't cook. Things like that. But I didn't get involved at all on the treatment end- because they never asked and I've learned not to offer unsolicited advice to people going through a cancer journey.
Ugh- I'm so sorry so many people offered you so much unsolicited advice. I just helped support a very close friend through a cancer surgery, and I realized the day he called me to give me the news that the best thing I could do was keep my trap shut and let him tell me what HE needs, rather than getting all intrusive because of my own anxiety about his uncertain future. It's so wonderful to finally see this writing get some air time! I know you've been holding it close against your breast (pun intended) for a long time until you're ready to go Breastless. Congratulations!
haha I love the pun - one of my posts here is going to have the title: Let Me Get This Off My Chest!
And I have a question; did you friend feel that he knew what he needed?
I ask because I had a doctor tell me; "Patients don't know what they need, there's no point asking them." She was retired and therefore trained and worked "in former times", but it shocked me all the same. And THIS is part of the problem I believe - we have all bought into the idea that we don't know what we need (and created a medical system based on assuming that authority for us) and we therefore have become cut off from sensing what we need. This was the big revelation to me in this part of the story - I could actually feel what this advice was doing to me and I had to boundary-up to start listening to my own 'knowing'.
Yes, he did mostly know what he needed. I had to read between the lines a few times to discern what his wife would need- so I offered some interventions I suspected they needed but weren't asking for. Like I did all the driving so his wife could just be as spaced out and freaked out as she needed to while we were waiting to make sure he survived his very dicey surgery (he almost didn't and had to get lots of blood transfusions.) And he's a chef who never lets me in the kitchen. So I cooked days worth of food and brought fresh food into the refrigerator every 3 days because his wife doesn't cook. Things like that. But I didn't get involved at all on the treatment end- because they never asked and I've learned not to offer unsolicited advice to people going through a cancer journey.
The best kind of friend :) I wish them both well. Hope he is recovering well from what sounds like a scary ordeal.
Thank you. You know it's a good sign when the doctor says "See you in six months." We cried.
This story from Alexandra Bollag at The Healing Life came to mind as an example of someone getting medical confirmation that he knew exactly what he needed once he broke through to trusting & not judging himself. A good read. https://open.substack.com/pub/thehealinglife/p/you-know-your-medicine?r=ql8y1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web